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My Story - Jim Horne
Last Updated on 9/30/00
| Having
completed my studies at the U of A, with a major in dude ranch management
and reservations with a minor in cannabis cultivation, I packed my bags
and headed for the Big Apple where I played poker with my fellow NYU
Law School students. One fateful day I was holding a full house and
was beat by four queens. Who would have thought each of those old queens
would have a hand better than a boat. My faith shaken in the surety of life, I dropped out and hung around Central Park feasting on squirrel meat and smoking rock candy, which I had mistakenly confused with rock cocaine. I was only able to break from this life of dissipation when one day I saw a poster for Charo's nightclub act at the Copacabana. She looked just like a blond Virgin Mary. Anyway, I looked her up and one thing lead to another and she hired me as her Chihuahua walker. Unfortunately, I had taught the Chihuahua's to hunt squirrel and after an ugly incident in which her animals attacked her latest fur coat I was forced to look for work elsewhere. After an extensive FBI background check, which was touch and go when they found out about my second wife, Kit ling's former employment during the cultural revolution as a fan dancer for the red guard (this was smoothed over with a small contribution to the DNC), I was hired as Assistant Assistant to the White House Chief Porter. My responsibilities included the Oval Office and the adjoining hall--believe me Monica's dress was not all Bill soiled. After an early retirement at a generous pension thanks to Bill's largesse I've devoted the rest of my time to PETA's save the Squirrel campaign. |
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| Jim
Horne Yoshijim@Yahoo.com |
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